07
Oct
10

Choose option 5 if you’re really pissed off.

I actually just had the following conversation with Samantha from O2’s customer service team:

Samantha: Good afternoon, you’re through to Samantha. How may I help?

Me: Hi there. I decided to call yesterday to cancel my Internet and Wi-fi bolt-on, but as I had no credit, I topped up with £10 before I called, which O2 promptly deducted from my calltime balance for my Wi-fi bolt-on, which I had called to have removed. So I had to top up again to make the call to have it removed. Obviously I’m not happy about this, but that’s not why I’m calling.

Samantha: …

Me: Hello?

Samantha: Sorry, yes. I’m still here. What exactly is the problem then?

Me: Basically, I’ve had to top up three times since yesterday morning and all I’ve used my phone for since then is to text my Mum to tell her I’m coming over for tea. Can you tell me why that is?

Samantha: right, well, just looking at your account, you’ve been charged £11.45 for Internet usage since yesterday.

Me: I see, so I phoned up yesterday to “cancel my Internet and Wi-fi bolt-on” – which I would hope translates into layman’s terms as “doesn’t want to pay to use the Internet on his phone anymore” – and since then, you’ve charged me in less than 24 hours what I would normally spend in a month.

Samantha: I’m afraid so. It costs £3 a megabyte to use the Internet.

Me: I cancelled my bolt-on because I don’t want the Internet on my phone, not because I like paying £3 to update my facebook status. In any case, I haven’t used the Internet.

Samantha: Yes, but it’s still running on your phone. That’s how all your downloaded iPhone applications work.

Me: Which applications?

Samantha: Which have you downloaded?

Me: None.

Samantha: Oh.

Me: I can see we’re on different pages here, Samantha, so I’ll keep it brief. How do I ensure I stop paying for web browsing?

Samantha: You’d have to stop using the web browser.

Me: I’m aware of this. I didn’t use it yesterday, but you still charged me £11.45.

Samantha: But…if you stop using the Internet, you do realise you won’t have access to e-mail, games or any online applications?

Me: That would be wonderful, Samantha. Please make it stop.

(Excruciatingly long silence)

Samantha: OK, I’ll talk you through it. Go to the settings and turn off web browsing.

Me: Does this mean I’ll lose facebook?

(More silence)

Me: I’m kidding, Samantha. Have a nice day.

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