I have a D:Ream…

Barack Obama has just been sworn in as the 44th president of the Unites States of America. To mark the occasion, the one million Americans that attended the ceremony were treated to a typically overblown affair featuring Bruce Springsteen, U2 and Beyonce. What did we get when Labour got back into power? John Prescott leaning against a barrier, sweating and tapping along to D:Ream’s ‘Things Can Only Get Better’. Horrific. We couldn’t even get D:Ream in the flesh. I mean, did anyone even bother asking them?

Oooh yes, and another thing. I see Chris Moyles has joined Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross in the rapidly-expanding nucleus of “untouchable” presenters who have ended up on the wrong side of the BBC’s code of conduct. As far as I’m concerned, there are only a handful of words you cannot say in a jokey manner on TV or radio. ‘Auschwitz’ is one of them. WTF is going on here?! Next week, Gary Lineker is fined ten grand for turning up at a work do, whizzing his tits off and dressed as a suicide bomber with a beard fashioned entirely from his own pubic hair.

Back in the real world, I’ve perfected the art of crossing the road in Thailand. It involves walking directly behind a Thai person in the hope that should a motorcyle taxi come steaming through the melee and plough into a gaggle of pedestrians, I’ll stand more of a chance.

Oh yes, and not forgetting the invaluable piece of wisdom I picked up last night. You can usually tell a ladyboy by looking at his/her back. Or elbows. For some reason, not even the most sophisticated hormone-replacement therapy can penetrate these areas. And before you ask, no, you can’t tell by looking at their face. If you don’t know the back/elbows trick, casual sex in Thailand is something of a lottery.


1 Response to “I have a D:Ream…”

  1. 1 oldrope
    March 14, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    Alright Charlie, how’s tricks? Any luck with afformentioned ladyboys yet? No, oh well keep trying I’m sure you’ll find one who’s standards are low enough to accept you.

    PS it’s Peter

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